I will not break…I will not…

Do you just continuously do things that are bad for you? Make the decisions that put you facing the opposite direction of where you want to go? I totally do and it’s becoming more and more apparently to me.

I went through my February life coaching with Rachel Hollis and then revisited my January coaching again. I had listened to the coaching session live in January but had done so while I was working. I even took notes! But when it came to February was I was too busy to even listen so I had to go through the session over the weekend. I realized how much more impactful it was to actually just sit there and be a student vs trying to do 2 things at once. So, I re-listened my January course.

It was like I had never even listened to January! The way everything absorbed and hit me. I’m so glad I spent the two hours this weekend really focusing in on what Rach was trying to teach. But, it also made me realize that since January I had basically made NO movement toward my goal.

The first goal I’d like to work on is getting healthy and fit. I feel like it would be a gateway and a confidence booster for all my other goals. But in my Start Today journal this has been, “The first goal I’m going to accomplish..” since October. And I can sheepishly admit that I have made ZERO freakin’ progress towards this goal. Actually things have gotten worse because my gym membership expired in Feb..so now I don’t even have a gym to not go to!

This kind of ties in with February’s lesson and my biggest takeaway from that was that people don’t accomplish their goals because IT’S HARD. We all KNOW what to do we all know where to find the info/what the steps are to take but we don’t do it! This is SO true for me. Self-discipline is something I am apparently NOT good at. Another huge takeaway for me was anything good that has ever happened to you has probably been through your own effort (one way or another).

What made me write this? Well I decided to simply keep track of my calories today. And I realized that snacking is REALLY not helping any of my efforts. It has made me conscious of how many calories those delicious smores girl scout cookie sitting about a foot and a half away from me actually are. AND YET I am sitting here dying to snack on more.

This is not about cookies and calories though, this is about me constantly letting myself off the hook to the commitments I make to myself. (Rachel also touches upon that in “Girl Wash Your Face”.) But this is exactly why I have not made any movement towards my goal since October and before. And I don’t just do this with food I also do this with finances and even some relationships. “Let it slide…I’ll do it next time…next month…next year…” Next, next, next until 2020 rolls around and I still have the same goals. I’m paying for this coaching but I need to take action and use it.

If I tell myself I’m only going to have two cookies I need to just have those two cookies. I could have saved one and ate it later..but I didn’t. It’s about keeping promises to myself and to yourself. But obviously I have not figured out a magical way to do that at the moment. Hence my struggle.. Though I must admit, writing this out and putting it in my own face has squashed my craving quite a bit.

I think everyone has an area in their life where they KNOW they should be doing differently and they don’t do it. Because it’s just so easy to say, “I’ll do it next time…” I don’t think self-punishment or negative self talk is the answer to this either. How do you deal with this? What have you done to navigate around your weak points? I should have set myself up to win last Friday and not bought the cookies in the first place. But I can’t go back in time…so I can only do better in the future. So that is what I’m really, really, no REALLY, going to try and do.

Maybe I need to improve on keeping promises to myself more than even fitness and health?? Maybe that should be my first goal.

“Start Today” journal update and Life Coaching!

A few days ago I learned from Rachel’s instagram that she was going to start a Life Coaching program. It is not one-on-one. She made it clear in her video that she literally has no time to do that, and even if she did I know darn well I couldn’t afford it!

It’s been roughly a month and a half since I began using my “Start Today” journal. I can easily say it’s been an overall positive experience! At first trying to remember which 10 goals I had chosen was tough. But a month and a half later I finally have them totally memorized.

In itself remembering what the 10 goals are is a big deal, think about it! My own brain couldn’t easily recall the top 10 things I wanted to do in life. Each one of these items is super important to me, but I had never put them in front of my face enough to actually remember them. They’d come in and out of my consciousness like flashes, here and there I’d think, “Wouldn’t that be awesome if…” but that was it, after it’d be forgotten. Not anymore!

Listing 5 things I am grateful for is also really wonderful. It becomes challenging when you are pissed off or in a bad mood. I sit their brooding over whatever upset me and then I force my brain to think positively. But after I finish I tend to be every slightly less grumpy.

I do have to admit one thing though, I haven’t been perfect about doing it every single day. There are some days when I have missed it either when I was sick, I kept putting it off and forgot…or I was just in a terrible mood and was laying in bed lamenting. I always start back up though. Why? Because Rachel teaches that imperfection is ok! What matters most is that you RESTART. Don’t let go of it just cause you messed up once. This is what I always have to remind myself, because I am a perfectionist. I hope I don’t miss another day from this point forward, but if I do, I know I can start again.

Life Coaching with Rachel Hollis

A few days ago I learned from Rachel’s instagram that she was going to start a Life Coaching program. It is not one-on-one. She made it clear in her video that she literally has no time to do that, and even if she did I know darn well I couldn’t afford it!

Even still I was thinking, “Oh god, it’s going to be like $100 a month or something”. Because if you follow this space, like I do, you know that these teachers charge A LOT for their info. Courses can easily be in the hundreds or thousands of dollars. So I braced myself and looked at the price. The personal life coaching, which is basically 2 hours a month, is $39 bucks.

That felt do-able. That felt like a realistic thing. I pay $9.99 for Apple Music and $14.95 for Audible every month. How about paying monthly for something that might actually help me move the needle forward in my life?! So what, that works out to $20 an hour? To get guidance from someone I feel really resonates with me? That feels like a bargain.  I pay more an hour to the person that does my hair.

So I bit the bullet, I signed up. Still skeptical mind you…still wondering if this money could be better spent. I have to say, yesterdays session felt COMPLETELY worth every cent. Rachel is just so genuine and raw and imperfect. I freakin’ love imperfection because I struggle with perfection so much. I love anyone who goes out into the world and says, “I’m doing this, I don’t know exactly what I’m doing..but I’m doing it anyway!”

I’m not going to break down what we learned or what our homework was. I’m going to wait until next month and let you know how/if what I learned helped me, what I implemented and what I possibly didn’t get rolling on. To be continued…

Breaking up with my Clarisonic

A brief history of my skin: I had really bad skin in H.S. and even after. Once I got out of the bad relationship I was in (and stopped using MAC face makeup) my skin pretty much cleared in my mid 20’s. I hadn’t had any issues with my face since, until about 7-8 months ago. I also have eczema and take an allergy pill and moisturize my skin everyday in the shower.

————————————-

I DON’T KNOW JACK ABOUT SKINCARE. I used my Clarisonic once a day, used a moisturizer with SPF in the morning and some concealer here and there. That was my daily routine for about 5 years. The products really didn’t change and the Clarisonic was a constant.

I’m pretty sure at this point everyone knows what a Clarisonic is, but just incase you don’t… I loved mine and used it religiously 1x a day. One time it died right before I was going to Hawaii and I rushed to order another one because I couldn’t IMAGINE not having it on my vacation! I imagined a face full of zits on the beaches of Maui.

Late last year I was going through a lot of stress at work and home, then I moved and added MORE stress. Suddenly my relatively calm skin was like a war zone. These weren’t cute little whiteheads, these were massive, disgusting straight up ZITS. And I was HORRIFIED. I’m 35, not 14, wtf was going on with my face?!

I tried switching long time products like my SPF moisturizer…it got worse! I changed my makeup, my face wash, nothing helped. One time  I was in tears because my boyfriend and I were going to the gym and I had to pull my hair back and show my skin. I didn’t want to go to to the gym, I did, but I felt hideous and horrible. Same thing at work and I work with so many people that have flawless skin! (You notice it more when yours looks like shit.) I kept trying everything taking my nightly shower earlier, switching my laundry detergent, not drinking anything but water. Nothing really helped. It felt so hopeless, it’s like my own face had turned against me.

I brought this up to my co-worker Kate one day, because she had talked about being a skincare junkie. Then I mentioned that I had talked to Kate about skincare to my other co-worker in MN, Erin, and low and behold I apparently work with 2 major skincare mavens! And I had no idea!

We started our own private Slack convo and they divulged their routines and favorite products. When I told them my tiny routine they both said the same thing, ditch the Clarisonic .

*HORRIFIED GASP*

“But…but..I’ve used it for years and it’s been fine. That can’t be it, its just stress…probably right?”

*Sheepishly* Right?

“You are probably over-exfoliating…stop using it and see what happens” was their consensus.

I was so desperate…that I went out and bought $40 of products they recommended and…ditched the Clarisonic.

Low and behold guys, it got better, especially on my cheeks. It still is happening under my chin here and there, but everyone I talk to agrees that that area of your face IS hormonal and stress affected.

My routine is now:
Morning – Cosrx low ph cleanser, Origins spf moisturizer, Origins eye cream
Night: Cosrx low ph cleanser,  The Ordinary Squalane, Origins eye cream
If I do my makeup I put on The Ordinary Squalane as a primer

I am slowly going to try to switch the ELTA SPF and another (tbd) moisturizer for the Origins because I don’t love the tint it has. I am also going to introduce The Ordinary Niacinamide at night.

The Ordinary Marula oil is supposed to be amazing but I went for the Squalane first because I read that it was good for oily skin. And I’m proud to say that Erin and Kate have both tried the Squalane because of me.

BTW, don’t ask me to pronounce Squalane because I still don’t know how to say it.

I thought my skin was looking way better, but the proof is in the pudding. When i did my makeup the past 2 weekends I barely had to do ANY spot cover up. And my niece complimented my skin on Sunday which almost made me cry. Like, I had been so miserable for months and now I feel like it’s getting better. Still not perfect under the chin, but way way better on my actual face.

I still miss my Clarisonic though, and I don’t blame it for breaking me out. I asked Erin and Kate why it turned on me and they said it’s probably just the fact that skin changes with age…and my skin became more sensitive to it. Yay aging! (eyeroll)

I still don’t know crap about skincare. But I will say that if something similar happens to you it could be a product/tool that you have been using all along. Though, I think we all tend to blame new products in our ecosystem first. Don’t be afraid to question products and tools you’ve loved all along.

I will keep you updated here and there as I move along with my skincare journey. I don’t know if I’ll ever ben on Erin or Kate’s level of comprehensive skincare knowledge. But I just know I am SO thankful to them for helping me figure out at least some of my skin issues!