I will not break…I will not…

Do you just continuously do things that are bad for you? Make the decisions that put you facing the opposite direction of where you want to go? I totally do and it’s becoming more and more apparently to me.

I went through my February life coaching with Rachel Hollis and then revisited my January coaching again. I had listened to the coaching session live in January but had done so while I was working. I even took notes! But when it came to February was I was too busy to even listen so I had to go through the session over the weekend. I realized how much more impactful it was to actually just sit there and be a student vs trying to do 2 things at once. So, I re-listened my January course.

It was like I had never even listened to January! The way everything absorbed and hit me. I’m so glad I spent the two hours this weekend really focusing in on what Rach was trying to teach. But, it also made me realize that since January I had basically made NO movement toward my goal.

The first goal I’d like to work on is getting healthy and fit. I feel like it would be a gateway and a confidence booster for all my other goals. But in my Start Today journal this has been, “The first goal I’m going to accomplish..” since October. And I can sheepishly admit that I have made ZERO freakin’ progress towards this goal. Actually things have gotten worse because my gym membership expired in Feb..so now I don’t even have a gym to not go to!

This kind of ties in with February’s lesson and my biggest takeaway from that was that people don’t accomplish their goals because IT’S HARD. We all KNOW what to do we all know where to find the info/what the steps are to take but we don’t do it! This is SO true for me. Self-discipline is something I am apparently NOT good at. Another huge takeaway for me was anything good that has ever happened to you has probably been through your own effort (one way or another).

What made me write this? Well I decided to simply keep track of my calories today. And I realized that snacking is REALLY not helping any of my efforts. It has made me conscious of how many calories those delicious smores girl scout cookie sitting about a foot and a half away from me actually are. AND YET I am sitting here dying to snack on more.

This is not about cookies and calories though, this is about me constantly letting myself off the hook to the commitments I make to myself. (Rachel also touches upon that in “Girl Wash Your Face”.) But this is exactly why I have not made any movement towards my goal since October and before. And I don’t just do this with food I also do this with finances and even some relationships. “Let it slide…I’ll do it next time…next month…next year…” Next, next, next until 2020 rolls around and I still have the same goals. I’m paying for this coaching but I need to take action and use it.

If I tell myself I’m only going to have two cookies I need to just have those two cookies. I could have saved one and ate it later..but I didn’t. It’s about keeping promises to myself and to yourself. But obviously I have not figured out a magical way to do that at the moment. Hence my struggle.. Though I must admit, writing this out and putting it in my own face has squashed my craving quite a bit.

I think everyone has an area in their life where they KNOW they should be doing differently and they don’t do it. Because it’s just so easy to say, “I’ll do it next time…” I don’t think self-punishment or negative self talk is the answer to this either. How do you deal with this? What have you done to navigate around your weak points? I should have set myself up to win last Friday and not bought the cookies in the first place. But I can’t go back in time…so I can only do better in the future. So that is what I’m really, really, no REALLY, going to try and do.

Maybe I need to improve on keeping promises to myself more than even fitness and health?? Maybe that should be my first goal.

Tee Tuesday: 2017 Disneyland 10k tee

To say that I love t-shirts is a major understatement, I’m obsessed with them! I literally have to ban myself from buying new shirts because I will just KEEP BUYING THEM. I currently have several hundred all folded in the Marie Kondo method in my closet.

A t-shirt can give you a glimpse into a persons life in an instant. Their favorite music group, show, an event they went to, a company they work for or even a funny saying. For me it’s a way to say, “This is a part of who I am” or “This is what I love”.

If someone is wearing a graphic tee I am literally craning my neck to see what’s on it. I remember I was at Disneyland and I kept staring at this girl (and low key stalking her..) until I could figure out what concert tee she had on!! (It was Shakira…)

So I decided to tell some stories about my tees/tanks. I dub thee Tee Tuesday from hither forth!


 

I am starting with my 2017 Disneyland 10k tee simply because I was wearing it today when I got this idea. 

The 2017 Disneyland 10k was not the first 10k I ever ran but it was the first time I ever ran two races back 2 back. It all sounded really good when I signed up 100 months earlier. Ok, it was like 7ish months but you have to register for the Disney races WAY in advance. I had already signed myself up for the Tinkerbell 10k (which I hadn’t ran at this point) and I was feeling sporting…so i said, “I’ll do the 5k and the 10k! This time I’m going to train for sure!” It was also the anniversary of the first race I had ever ran, the 2016 Disneyland 5k.

Guess who barely trained for their race? *Waves hand sheepishly* The depth of the commitment I had made really hit me the Thursday before the 5k when I picked up my racing packets. I think I went to Trader Sam’s and had a drink…hachi machi.

But I didn’t pay all that money to not follow through. This was my 3rd 5k, so I was feeling good about that. Btw both mornings of both races I almost missed the start because we couldn’t figure out where the bus stop was by the super seedy hotel I had booked. *facepalm*

I remember the first two miles of the 10k  I really thought I wasn’t going to make it. I was like, “The tram is going to come get me, I’m going to pass out right here..right now” They call it, “getting swept” when you aren’t at pace and a little tram goes and picks you up and takes you to the finish line.

Around mile 3 I stopped panicking. I was telling myself, “You’re halfway there, you’re halfway there..” and the last 2 miles were actually easier then the first! No, I didn’t jog the entire thing, are you kidding me?! But, I did keep the required pace and I didn’t pass out or get swept. I was very proud indeed!

But what inspired me to write this?? Well, I was at the gym today (wearing my Little Mermaid workout top I wore during the race, btw) and I saw a lady working out with a trainer. I noticed she had the sponsors “a la” a race shirt and the top one was PANDORA. I was like, “That’s a Disney racing shirt!”

Then I sat there for a few moments trying to figure out which race it was because I could only see her back. Mental process:

“Pandora….Pandora sponsors Tinkerbell races!

Did she do the Tinkerbell race my year?

No… her shirt is purple mine is pink…

She must have done the 10k another year!”

I was dying to confirm this and I stared until she got off her machine and faced me. Unfortunately I am so blind I couldn’t see what year or race it was. But I did see Tinkerbell and the RunDisney logo on her sleeve that wasn’t facing me when I first saw her.

I got so excited, i just wanted to run up to her and say, “You ran it too?!” But she was working with a trainer and I am not the type of person that goes up to strangers. I was really hoping I’d run into her in the locker room though…

And that’s why I love t-shirts. I know absolutely nothing about this older lady, but instantly I had a connection with her. We had a commonality with this random person and I would have never known that if she was wearing a different shirt. I think these days finding commonalities with people that seem completely different from us is even more important. 

I had taken my Disneyland 10k shirt to change into after my workout. So I wasn’t wearing it when I was staring at her like a crazy person, but I did wear it out. I was still hoping I’d run into her so we could talk about running Disney races.

My problem with self discipline

This week I was determined to A. go the the gym 3x (M,W,F) and B. actually SING at my voice lesson. Ever since I got sick my classes have sucked, I don’t know if it’s my throat or my brain…but my last few lessons were really bad imo.

Sunday night I didn’t sleep good. I work at an NPR station and we are having a pledge drive this week, which is when I’m at my busiest! So I went to work tired, worked my ass off and STILL went to the gym.

Sounds great until you hear that I went to this YUMMY hot dog place in Pasadena called Dog Haus for lunch with my co-worker/buddy Crystal. I ate so BAD but it was so good. So with my workout I’d be lucky if I broke even. :/ #fail

Tuesday was another bad eating day with my BF but I did go to class and sang much better then the previous weeks. So that was a half-win.

Wednesday I had FULL intention of going to the gym. My work is in-between my bf’s and the gym. I park near the gym and take the Metro 10min to work because parking in Pasadena is HORRIBLE. So, when we go places my bf usually picks me up from work. ANYWAY, so he picks me up from work, drops me off at my car, we drive to the gym I get out of my car and pop open my trunk….no gym clothes.

The bag is still sitting on the floor of my room. I completely forgot the grab them in the morning. #fail We had dinner and I went home and did some pilates but it was not the cardio I wanted to do.

I’m really bad when it comes to eating healthy, working out AND practicing my guitar/voice. I get so lazy after work or when I get home. And eating, oh lordy (haha #comeyday..), I eat terrible. I love everything bad for me. WINGS and MARGARITAS especially. Take me to BWW and give me both and I’m in heaven.

But I really want to get back into shape, for a couple reasons. 1. I have a 5k & 10k in September at Disneyland. 2. I BOOKED A DISNEY WORLD VACATION FOR MY BIRTHDAY! Sorry for the bold, all caps, but I’m beyond excited to go. It’s my FIRST time EVER! And I’m going the day before my birthday!!! I’m going to Disney world for the first time on my birthday guys?! How amazing is that?

Oh and I forgot shopping! I’m a Disney-holic/t-shirt holic so now trying to save money for Disney World and not spend money for the trip to Disney world (like shirts and ears..) is another thing I must discipline myself on.

Telling myself “No” and not saying, “Fuck it” are really hard. But I’m trying guys, this also falls in with my last post about becoming the person I want to be. Getting in shape, working on my music and spending money on things that really matter to me (instead of random crap) are all things I need to be doing to be that person…but they’re hard! *whiney voice*

I’d love to end this post with a wisdom filled nugget but meh. I’m just here trying to do my best. Trying to walk a little more towards my goals so when I take those few steps back it doesn’t feel so bad.

Are you good at self discipline? Have you become better at it as time goes on? Tips? Tricks? They’re Always welcome.

RunDisney Tinker Bell 10k

Prior to the Tink 10k I’d done 2 other RunDisney races. The 2016 Disneyland 5k was my first and the Star Wars lightside 5k was my second. This was my first time attempting the 10k distance.

When I was signing up for the race and realized it was the day before mothers day, that made me pick the 10k vs the 5k. I thought, “I can do it for my Mom!” It sounded like a lovely sentiment and since you register so far in advance I thought I’d have plenty of time to prepare. Right?

Then I had the bright idea to change my job and change my entire schedule. Long story short, I was NOT fully prepared when the day crept up on me. I had started training some but then I got sick the week before and didn’t work out once. . This made me a little nervous.

Friday May 12th I had to go pickup my bib from the Health and Fitness expo at the Disneyland hotel. I’d never picked up my stuff on a Friday and I’ll probably never do it again, there was WAY more traffic then Thursday. It took us forever to get into the Expo and once again I didn’t get to look around much. :/ That seems to always happen!

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Cool castle photo op with my bib
I got my bib and then I hit the official merch spot. It wasn’t nearly has crowded as it had been for the Star Wars half weekend. I went a little merch crazy because HELLO I was gonna run my first 10k! (That’s my excuse and I’m sticking to it.

Aside from the stuff below I also got ANOTHER shirt that said, “I did it!”, a magnet that said the same and a cute bandana that is M.I.A. at the moment.

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Official race shirt and cute Tink shirt

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I heard someone complaining that they didn’t like the lost boy theme for the 10k but I did. I thought it was perfectly fitting actually, I feel like a lost girl sometimes. Last minute I had ordered a shirt from an Etsy/instagram seller to run in. I love it!

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We had dinner at Tortilla Joe’s, the wait wasn’t too bad for being Friday. They quoted us an hour but it was only 45min. And it got our parking validated. While we were waiting I went to Wonderground Gallery and bought the new HerUniverse tank. I missed the Ashley’s by like 20min! I also bot a postcard by another artist.

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Wonderground Gallery purchases

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Dinner at Tortilla Joe’s in Downtown Disney

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This dog looks like Reggie IMO

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Reggie is ready for his race
We got back late and I went to bed even later. Come 3:45am I did not want to get out of bed! If i hadn’t bought all that merch I might not have, lol.

We got there, I got to my corral and off I went. I have to say that the first two miles were the WORST. Because I was having a mild freak out attack that I had to do 6. I literally had to refocus on WHY I was even doing this…my mom. I thought about my mom and my sister and listened to my music and it carried me through the race. I didn’t fly through it but I was at least a minute under the minimum pace. Hey, not bad for someone that was coughing her brains out even days earlier!

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Before my corral went

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Matterhorn at sunrise

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Paradise Pier at sunrise

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Note the difference in my face lol

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This person in the yellow is chill and I’m ready to pass out, lol

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Victory!
Crossing that finish line was TRUE accomplishment. I also thought of my mom and it made me super emotional, I almost started crying when they gave me my medal. I had made it through, somehow. I couldn’t have done it without Adam’s love and support. Who else would get up for me at 3:45am on a Saturday?!

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Overall it was a wonderful experience. But I swear next time I’m going to train more. I’m supposed to do the Disneyland 5k AND 10k in September. Please don’t ask me what I was thinking when I signed up…I was reading this motivational book and…things just… happened.